


making a molehill out of a mountain

by Kacka



Series: Kacka Does a Thing [6]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Friends With Benefits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 02:13:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9361043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kacka/pseuds/Kacka
Summary: in which neither Clarke nor Bellamy knows how to be casual about... whatever this is between them





	

**Author's Note:**

> anon on tumblr asked for a fic based on [this](https://www.instagram.com/p/BAqErPgtrCI/) post from Humans of New York (aka HONY). to the person who sent in this prompt, i hope you enjoy this and thank you for reading!!

The sound of Bellamy’s phone ringing wakes her up far too early for her liking.

“Make it stop,” she mumbles into his arm, doubly disgruntled when he shifts beneath her to reach for it on his bedside table.

“I’m trying,” he grunts, the electronic beeping growing louder as he tries to decide whether he’s going to answer it or throw it across the room. Eventually he must decide, because right after the ringing stops, she hears him bark, “What do you want?”

“I’m coming over.”

It’s Raven’s voice coming through the other end, and on some level Clarke knows she must have a justifiable reason for calling this early. But her brain hasn’t quite gotten there yet, so she groans, “What the hell, Raven?”

There’s a pause on the other end of the line, Bellamy stiffening beneath her.

“Is that Clarke?” Raven asks, and _shit_. Clarke lets out another groan, pressing her face into Bellamy’s chest. After a beat, his arm comes around her, petting her back soothingly.

“Yeah, it’s Clarke.” He sounds much more awake now, though his voice is still raspy. “Keep talking, Reyes, or I’m going back to sleep.”

“Alright fine, we can circle back to the obvious when I get there. I did something to my ankle and Octavia said you have a brace I can borrow.”

“I do, yeah,” he sighs.

“Great, thanks. I’ll bring coffee for your trouble.” She pauses. “Two coffees.”

“It is the least you can do.”

His thumb is still tracing light circles around the base of Clarke’s spine after he hangs up, in a way that makes her shiver a little and want to start something, but she settles for kissing him on the underside of his jaw instead.

“I guess the secret’s out,” he says, morning stubble rough against her forehead.

“It was bound to get out eventually,” Clarke sighs. “Raven won’t say anything if we ask her not to, though.”

Bellamy is silent for long enough that she has to look up at him, has to try to read his thoughts on his face. When she does, he’s not even looking down at her but staring intently at the ceiling. She smiles and reaches up, smoothing his forehead with her thumb and smacking a kiss to it when she’s done.

“Quit worrying; Raven knows how to keep her mouth shut when it matters. I’m going to shower before she gets here. You coming?”

She almost thinks he’s not going to follow her, but as soon as she steps under the spray she feels him crowd in behind her, and her anxiety evaporates with the steam.

They only started sleeping together a couple of months ago. She had a decently long dry spell after her breakup with Lexa, uninterested in sleeping with people she didn’t care about but too recently heartbroken to want a romantic partner.

Bellamy was the perfect solution: her hot, caring, _good_ best friend who made everything better and brighter and more bearable. She’d never laughed as much during sex as she has with him, never felt like she could carry the afterglow with her into her life the way she can with him-- be it video games on his couch, her endless homework, or a night out with their friends.

They agreed after that first time-- sitting side by side on his kitchen counter, eating all of Miller’s Oreos that he hides from Murphy in Bellamy’s apartment, bare feet brushing against each other-- that they wouldn’t mention it to their friends. They’d inevitably make it out to be more than it was, whether they thought it was the best or worst idea ever.

Clarke trusts herself and Bellamy to keep what they have casual. She does not trust the rest of their friends to do the same.

By the time Raven arrives, they’re both clean and presentable. Clarke is sprawled across Bellamy’s couch with her head in his lap, trying to focus on her reading for class instead of his hand in her hair, and he’s watching a _Friends_ rerun with the sound low.

The ideal Saturday morning, if you ask Clarke.

“It’s open,” she calls when Raven knocks.

Bellamy smirks down at her. “You know this is my apartment and not yours, right?”

“Sorry, did you _not_ unlock the door so you wouldn’t have to get up when she got here?”

“I have no idea how you guys kept this on the down low for so long,” Raven sighs, limping in. Clarke sits up immediately and frowns at her.

“What did you do?”

“Gina and I went out last night and I tripped on a crack in the sidewalk. I think it’s just twisted, but I have to be at the garage in an hour and I’m worried it’ll slow me down, what with--” She slaps her knee brace. “--the other one already a mess.”

“Here.” Clarke slides the coffee table toward her, moving to sit on the end closest to Raven. “Put your foot in my lap. I want to make sure it’s just a twist and not a sprain.”

Raven’s lips pull back into an amused smirk but she does as Clarke says.

“I’ll go find the brace,” Bellamy says, stretching as he stands. Clarke has to work very hard to not check him out, but when she remembers that Raven knows, she lets herself take a surreptitious peek.

She isn’t covert enough, though. Bellamy catches her and gives her a wink before sauntering away, a little extra swing in his step.

“How long has this been going on?” Raven asks her in a low voice once he’s gone, her smile replaced by something more contemplative.

“Not that long. We didn’t want anyone making a big deal about it.”

“Sure,” Raven scoffs. “Why make a big deal out of the fact that you’re sleeping with your best friend? Why make a big deal out of the fact that he’s obviously in love with you and if you don’t feel the same this will probably just end up hurting you both? Why make--”

“Alright, I get it,” Clarke snaps, prodding at the swollen area. Raven swears and throws her a reproachful look. “This is what I’m saying. I didn’t want the lecture from you and I didn’t want the pressure of a relationship from Jasper. People already assume enough about us without adding this to the pile.”

“For good reason.”

“We’re two consenting adults and we both know where we stand with each other.”

“Two idiots who are standing in idiotville,” Raven mutters. “But I won’t say anything if you guys don’t want me to.”

“Thanks, we owe you one. Now, can you rotate your ankle on your own?”

By the time Raven leaves, it’s almost time for Clarke to head to campus. She leans up to kiss Bellamy before she goes, and for the first time since all this started, she wonders whether that’s something that friends with benefits do.

“See you tonight?” She asks, ignoring the thoughts prodding her in the back of her mind. He nods and smiles, but something feels off.

“Yeah. I’ll bring some takeout.”

“Cool.” She feels like she should say something else, as if something has shifted between them, but she doesn’t know what to say yet. So she just gives his arm a squeeze and makes a run for it.

 

* * *

 

 **Raven:** ok but can i just ask one thing?

 **Clarke:**  can i stop you?

 **Raven:** *ignores that*

you guys are talking to each other, right?

i mean, neither of you are talking to the rest of us about it

so i worry, you know?

 **Clarke:**  i know, and yeah, we talk about it as much as we need to

 **Raven:**  okay. i’m still on the record as being wary of this whole arrangement but if you do need someone else to talk to, i’ll try not to make it a big deal

 **Clarke:**  have i told you lately how much i love you?

 **Raven:** tbh, i don’t hear it nearly enough

 

* * *

 

 **@clarkeattack:** @blakethefirst didn’t even make it to 9:00 tonight… #secretly90 [click to view image]

 **@clarkeattack:** further evidence that @blakethefirst is #secretly90: spent the morning trying to get me to eat his gross Fiber-Os

 **@blakethefirst:** @clarkeattack your digestive system will thank me one day

 **@jjordan12:** @clarkeattack @blakethefirst can you say #secretlymarried???

 **@therealnathanmiller:** @jjordan12 stop trying to make fetch happen

 **@blakethefirst:** @jjordan12 your over-investment in our love lives is excessive

 **@jjordan12:** @therealnathanmiller @blakethefirst none of you appreciate me

 

* * *

 

It’s nothing in particular that sets off the realization-- not Jasper’s old married couple jokes, not Raven’s significant looks whenever she and Bellamy leave together, not even when she notices that waking up with him in the morning always sends her out the door with a smile.

It’s just that one night they’re wrapped up together on her couch, his heart hammering steadily away beneath her ear, and she’s content like she hasn’t been in months, that she thinks _I could stay like this forever._

Of course, that thought is immediately followed by a feeling like she’s been suddenly doused with icy cold water. Her skin prickles with goosebumps and her lungs tighten as if she’s suddenly forgotten how to breathe. Fear rests heavy on her chest, intensified when she realizes that her instinct is not to pull away from him, but to clutch him tighter. To be closer. To immerse herself in him until she feels better.

“Clarke?” His voice has deepened with concern, that gravity it only gets when he’s in crisis-handling mode. “Are you okay?”

“What? Why?”

“You’re kind of squeezing the life out of me.” He pulls back enough so he can see her face. “What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing,” she says, loosening her grip. He doesn’t loosen his, doesn’t let her extricate herself from the circle of his arms. “I’m fine.”

His eyebrows drift upward. “Wow, so it’s big.”

“No it’s not,” she says, scowling.

“It is if you’re lying to me about it.” His fingers drift along her side absently, like he isn’t even aware he’s doing it. “With how quickly it came on, I’d guess you remembered you had a paper due or something, but I don’t know why you wouldn’t just say that.”

She opens her mouth to snap at him, but then Raven’s words echo through her mind and instead she deflates, lets her forehead fall against his chest and closes her eyes. This is Bellamy. She can talk to Bellamy. She _should_ talk to Bellamy.

“I just-- I think I had a serious feeling.”

He pauses. “You think or you know? That affects my problem-solving approach.”

“I know.” He keeps stroking her side, so clearly he’s not freaking out like she did. Either that, or he’s way better at hiding his emotions, and Clarke knows for a fact that isn’t true.

“A serious feeling-- about me?”

She nods. “I thought-- I want this all the time. I don’t want it to end.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad,” he says quietly. She can’t read his voice so she lifts her head, studies his face. It’s very carefully composed, like he’s waiting to see where this is going. And that’s why she didn’t want to talk about it with him yet-- she doesn’t _know_.

“If I feel that way, it’s not-- I don’t feel casual about you. But something serious still seems like too much, so even if I don’t want it to end…”

“You think it probably should,” he fills in, voice maddeningly even. Panic seizes her again.

“I don’t want to lose you,” she says, unconscious of the way her grip on his shirt tightens. “But I don’t think I’m ready to keep someone.”

He pulls her back in, adjusting his arms so they’re more securely around her.

“You won’t lose me,” he says eventually. “We agreed we’d stay casual, and that means no big, dramatic breakup, right?”

“You don’t mind if we just-- stop?”

“I don’t want to lose you either. And I don’t know how to not be serious about you, so it’s probably best if we--”

“Keep the friends part, drop the benefits?” She jokes. He huffs a laugh.

“There are still plenty of benefits to being friends with me. For instance, a healthier colon.”

“Do you actually have any idea how fiber works?” She asks fondly.

“No but it’s gross, so it’s probably good for you.”

“That checks out,” she snorts. The panic has subsided some now, and she thinks they might actually be okay. “At least you admit it doesn’t taste good.”

“I never _said_ it tasted good,” he grumbles. “Sometimes you have to do stuff you don’t want to do to take care of yourself.”

 _Like breaking up_ , she thinks, but keeps that thought to herself. It would probably be unfair to say out loud.

“You know what else doesn’t taste good?” She asks instead. “Tires. Rocks. Rubber cement glue. Doesn’t mean they’re nutritious.”

He shakes his head and pinches her side, making her jump. “Shut up, Clarke.”

“Unlikely.”

She’s smiling as she settles back into his side, less in his lap than before but still close. One of his arms is still around her and the show they’ve been marathoning is still playing on the television and life is continuing on.

They’re going to be fine.

 

* * *

 

 

 

* * *

 

“So,” Raven says, forced casualness in her voice. “How are things with Bellamy?”

Clarke freezes. “Oh. Actually, that kind of… ended.”

The words don’t even hurt like she thinks they should. Once she acknowledged how strong her actual feelings for Bellamy were, they hit her full force. But they haven’t stopped hanging out, haven’t been awkward or uncomfortable together. It’s just like it ever was, only she spends all her nights in her own bed.

“What do you mean, ended?” Raven asks, eyes narrowing.

“I mean, we’re not sleeping together anymore.”

“Since when?”

“A few weeks,” Clarke shrugs. Raven’s jaw drops.

“I don’t understand,” she says, and Clarke pays attention because Raven almost _never_ says those words. “Weren’t you guys on the same team for that weird board game we played last week?”

“Yeah.”

“And didn’t he go, like, yesterday to visit you at work?”

“I mean, he was studying,” Clarke shrugs. “It isn’t like he just came to see me.”

“There are at least four Starbucks closer to his place than Grounders.” Her voice has gone flat, and Clarke can’t tell what that means.

“I can’t tell what your point is. Are you upset that I’m not more upset? Or that we stayed friends? Because I told you-- we were casual.”

“Yeah right,” Raven scoffs. “I’m not totally sure you even know what that word means. You’ve never been casual about anything in your life.”

“Sure I have,” Clarke frowns, trying to think of an example. She can’t come up with one, but that doesn’t mean anything. She’s on the spot.

“No, you haven’t. And neither has Bellamy.” Raven rolls her eyes. “So what happened? Why’d you-- can I even call it breaking up?”

“That’s how I think of it,” Clarke admits. “Nothing _happened_. We realized it was getting serious and I didn’t know how to handle that.”

“So you bailed.”

“ _N_ _o_ ,” she insists. “We talked about it, and decided to stop.”

Raven scrutinizes her for a second and Clarke squirms, suddenly feeling like Raven is trying to locate exactly which gears in her mind are out of sync and figuring out how to fix them.

“Will you stop?” She demands, kicking her friend under the table. Raven rolls her eyes.

“You’re not just standing in idiotville. You’re the damn _Mayor_.”

Clarke sighs. “You said you wouldn’t make this a bigger deal than it is.”

“I’m really not.” She cocks her head, sighing. “Tell me this: how do you feel about Bellamy now that you guys aren’t-- whatever you were before?”

Clarke considers this, really thinks it through. She hasn’t been avoiding asking herself this question so much as-- it didn’t seem noteworthy, to love Bellamy like she does now. She’s loved him like this, like his friend, for years. And that’s all it is, right? Platonic, friendshippy feelings?

But she doesn’t actually feel this way about any of her other friends. Doesn’t lean on them in the same way when things are good or hard or anywhere in between, doesn’t want to jump their bones the way she does when she sees him laugh or gesture wildly or take a sip of his drink, doesn’t feel frantic at the thought of losing anyone like she does at the thought of losing Bellamy from her life.

She’s still serious about Bellamy, even if they’re not together. Which makes the whole not being together thing really kind of pointless.

“Oh.”

“That’s what I’m saying.” Raven pauses. “You didn’t know?”

“Not really,” says Clarke, a little shell-shocked. Raven sighs and puts her arm around her, pulling her into her bony side and knocking their foreheads together in her special, kind of clumsily affectionate way.

“Hate to break it to you, Madame Mayor, but you’re in love with that boy.”

“Apparently.” Clarke leans into her friend a little more. Maybe she should have talked about this sooner. “I should probably go take care of some things.”

Raven hums. “Let me know if you need a kickstart.”

“Thanks, Rae.”

“It’s what I’m here for.”

 

* * *

 

Bellamy smiles wide when he opens the door to find her there and Clarke’s insides light up like someone just flipped all the switches. _Oh_ , she thinks. _So that’s what that means_.

“Did I know you were coming?” He asks, standing aside to let her in.

“I don’t know. How prescient are you feeling today?”

“So that’s a no, then,” he laughs. “What’s up?”

“I’ve been thinking,” she says, stuffing her hands in her coat pockets nervously.

“Uh-oh. That’s never a good sign.”

“Shut up. Or, actually-- stay on topic. I want your input on this.”

“I would if I knew what the topic is.”

“It’s us,” she says, and he freezes, and she loves him _so much_ she has to grin. “Breathe.”

“I’m breathing.” He scrubs a hand over his face. “You should give me more to go on if you want my input.”

She bites the inside of her lip, trying not to smile too wide.

“Raven kind of pointed out that nothing has really changed between us. Not when you’re still-- You’re in every part of my life, you know?”

His face shutters. “What are you saying? You don’t want me in your life?”

“No,” she says softly. “That’s the opposite of what I want.”

He exhales in relief and slumps against the wall.

“Why don’t you tell me what you do want, because me trying to guess where this conversation is going is not great for my blood pressure.”

“Do I need to go get the Fiber-Os?”

“Stay on topic,” he reminds her, and she nods, closing the distance between them.

He watches her, doesn’t move away when she steps right into his space and lifts her hands to cup his face. She’s kissed Bellamy more times than she can count, always with the same easiness and certainty of their friendship. She’s never kissed him like this, hesitant and imploring, with him letting her take the lead instead of an equal trade.

“I want you,” she says simply. His eyes search hers, cautious.

“I thought you weren’t ready for something serious?”

“I thought so too, but it turns out that not being with you doesn’t make me not serious about you.”

“Yeah, that's so much clearer,” he says, frowning. "Was I supposed to follow that?"

She laughs and leans in to catch his lips again. Her heart swells when he’s a much more active participant this time, licking into her mouth enthusiastically.

“Let me try again,” she says. “I love you. Even when we’re not together, I love you, so we should just-- stop the stopping.”

“You’re so bad at this,” he laughs.

“I tell you I love you and that’s your response?”

“You knew what you were getting into,” he teases, but slows and sweetens the kiss. “I love you too. I want to be with you. Seriously.”

“Well if I’d known that’s all I had to say.”

“Your way had a certain flair to it. As long as we’re on the same page, right?”

“Right,” Clarke smiles. “That’s all that matters.”

 

* * *

 

 **@jjordan12:** @blakethefirst @clarkeattack i can’t believe i had to find out about your relationship on HONY [click to view link]

 **@therealnathanmiller:** @clarkeattack @blakethefirst @jjordan12 i feel betrayed

 **@clarkeattack:** @therealnathanmiller @jjordan12 it’s not like we planned it that way

 **@blakethefirst:** @therealnathanmiller @jjordan12 @clarkeattack i definitely planned it that way

 **@clarkeattack:** @blakethefirst you didn’t even know what HONY was until after they walked away #secretly90

 **@blakethefirst:** and to think, they didn’t go with the quote i gave them about the importance of fiber in your diet #90andproud

 **@therealnathanmiller:** @clarkeattack @blakethefirst nvm, take me back to my blissful ignorance

 **@clarkeattack:** @therealnathanmiller no takebacks. i’m keeping this one. #mycolonwillthankme

 **@blakethefirst:** @clarkeattack i love you

 **@therealnathanmiller:** @clarkeattack @blakethefirst *blocked*

 **@blakethefirst:** @therealnathanmiller yeah that’s fair

 **@blakethefirst:** @clarkeattack #worthit

 **@clarkeattack:** @blakethefirst couldn’t agree more


End file.
